Latest posts from Danny Brown

Enjoy the latest posts from Danny Brown, and feel free to add your own thoughts in the comments after the post.

When We Use the Wrong Kind of Glue

For the longest time, I’ve been a Samsung guy when it comes to Android smartphone choice.

I never really had brand loyalty before when it came to phones – I’d simply use what I needed at the time, which resulted in me switching between Nokia, BlackBerry, Motorola, and more.

Then I got a Samsung S3, and I was hooked, and stuck with that brand for years.

Recently, my phone died, and – since I was now on a new network that wasn’t restricted to phones or service contracts – I decided to look around a bit.

My research brought me to the ASUS ZenFone 4 and, after a bit more research, I decided to take the plunge – and I’m so glad I did.

The phone is everything a high-end phone should be but at half the price. I felt a sucker for sticking with Samsung for so long.

Last night, I went to see the new Justice League movie. Typically, I’ve stayed away from the DC Universe of movies, as I’m pretty much a Marvel guy through and through.

Add to the fact that director Zack Snyder has made more than a few turkeys recently, and early reviews were scathing, I wasn’t expecting much.

Man, was I wrong – this movie is fantastic! Great story, wonderful ensemble cast with excellent chemistry, and a neat weaving of today’s climate – racism, isolationism, despair – into the bigger superhero story arc.

Simply put, this was what the Avengers: Civil War movies lacked, and it felt like a true team up on-screen.

Again, had I let brand loyalty sway my decision, I would have missed out on one of the best movies of this year (as far as action/superhero movies go).

Loyalty Is Worthy, But It Needs to Be For The Right Reasons

In a way, brand loyalty is much like personal loyalty. We find someone, or something, to offer loyalty to, and we lose focus because of what blind loyalty can instil.

I recall, many years ago, being in a relationship where it was clearly over. There were so many warning signs that I either didn’t see, or chose not to.

So, we stayed together, and it was awful. Have you ever tried to excuse something that’s wrong because you want it to be right?

Even though all your friends are telling you it’s wrong?
Even though your family fear for your health?
Even though your other half sees the effect your loyalty is having on you and so reinforces the wrong-as-right?

If you have, you know the devastating effect it can have, both short-term and long.

You know the sinkhole isn’t getting any better, because you refuse to fill it in with logic, sense, and clarity.

Until you finally break, and the recovery from that takes even more strength, and you miss out on the things that could have been so much more to you.

This is true for work as well as love, friendship as well as family.

We make our own bonds, but sometimes we use the wrong kind of glue.

All in the name of loyalty.

Be Loyal to You

I watched a friend literally die from loyalty many moons ago. He was an ex-junkie, and was with the wrong people at a time in his life he could ill-afford to be.

Personal tragedy had left him vulnerable and, although we tried to help, his loyalty was with those who had been around him at his darker times in his previous life.

His dealer became his confidant. His loyal friend. His go-to shoulder.

Of course, my friend couldn’t see that this loyalty was only proffered when it came attached to money for solutions to the pain.

Whether he ever realized that, I’ll never know. His loyalty went with him to his early grave.

Loyalty… is…. difficult. So many things vying for it, so many things to get wrong.

Because there is something inherently good about loyalty – after all, who doesn’t want to be the one that others count on and never let down? – it makes it easier to screw up.

And that’s okay, because none of us are perfect. Hell, I continue to hurt those I love even when I try and make it the last thing I’d ever do.

Because pain comes with loyalty. But if pain can come from loyalty, so can softness. And repair. And love. And acceptance.

Especially when we realize that being loyal to ourselves will reflect the loyalty we both give and receive.

It may not cure bad choices through misplaced loyalty overnight – but at least it’s a start.

Looking After You

Just over a week ago, I posted this update over on my personal Facebook account:

Used to be social media was the connector. A great way to make new friends, learn new things, and grow in ways you wouldn’t have otherwise.
Now it mostly resembles a toxic train wreck, with so many using it to spread hate, fear, ignorance, and lies, while belittling others as much as they can.
Maybe it’s time to just close the whole thing down and walk away.

It came as a result of a lot of things:

I’ve been “doing” social media (at least, as we know it today) since 2006, and it’s lost a lot of its allure since then
The upsurge in hateful rhetoric when it comes to race, gender, politics, and more
The constant algorithm changes which always seem to reset your privacy settings

More than anything, though, it’s how all of that combined with other crap on social and was starting to leave me not only emotionally drained, but physically too.

Hence the update.

Responses to that post showed it wasn’t just me. Friends who “rely” on social media for their jobs were also fed up, and wondering if it was time to walk away, restart, etc.

The following morning, I woke up and decided to take action, and deleted my Twitter and Instagram account.

More may follow, but for now I’ll keep my Facebook account as it’s pretty locked down when it comes to who I’m connected with. Pinterest I use now and again for fun stuff, and LinkedIn is a great way for me to keep up-to-date with old work colleagues.

Besides, as my friend Marc mentioned in the comments of my Facebook update, real friends talk or text anyway, and I couldn’t agree more.

Since deleting Twitter and Instagram, I’ve genuinely felt like a weight has been lifted, and I no longer need to worry about being “on” when it’s the last thing I want to do.

You Are More Than a Profile

Back in March 2015, I published a post here that looked at how we’re losing out on experiences because we’re so addicted to social.

From that post:

We tweet, we post updates on Facebook, we make Vines of how cool our lives are, we Instagram perfectly-caught moments in time – and yet they’re more often than not a vision of who we wish we were.
If they were truly how we are, why does Instagram have so many filters to get our picture in a perfect light?

That last line, for me, continues to sum up so much of what’s wrong with social media and how it affects us.

We’re forever thinking of what updates to post, what picture to post with it, and what people will think once we’ve posted.

It seems we’re seeking so much gratification and recognition that we forget to be us. To be people that enjoy the moment, as opposed to seeking out the perfect frame for that moment.

And that can be so damaging to us and our well-being.

It’s no coincidence that Instagram was highlighted, along with SnapChat, as the most detrimental to young people’s mental health in a study published by the Royal Society for Public Health.

Looking at the profiles of people I know, and the amount of carefully-planned selfies published, I wonder about the reasoning behind it.

Looking for acceptance? Loneliness? Fear of missing out? Maybe it is just a way of sharing what’s going on, but there seems to be more to it.

And it makes me sad, because we are so much more than an avatar on some dumb social network that only wants you as a user so it can compile a ridiculous and creepy amount of data about you.

There is so much beauty around us, but we miss it because we need to answer that little notification light on our phone, telling us someone’s replied to our update on some random social network.

Take Back Your Time

We’re missing out on conversations. On life. On important memories to be.

Not only that, but our health is suffering, as we either get depressed by the ongoing hate or we get burnt out trying to keep up across multiple channels.

I saw it in myself, which is why I deleted the accounts I gained no pleasure from.

I see it in my friends, and in the updates they post and the conversations we have about them.

I see it in ex-colleagues, and how they’ve stepped away from social media now they no longer need to work it.

And I see it in stories online, that share examples of people who almost lost their sanity because of the effect social media was having on them.

At some point, it needs to stop. We need to recognize this isn’t healthy, and it’s not sustainable.

We have one life. One shot at leaving a legacy, and making the world a better place.

That may be on social – contrary to what I may be saying here, it’s not all bad online, and there are some great examples of people making a difference through the medium.

But let’s not get sucked into thinking we always need to be on. We always need to share. We always need to be perfectly presented.

Humanity is human because we’re messed up. Because we’re not perfect.

It’s also humanity because of that one thing that no social network can ever give us – the power of human touch.

Don’t let social media define you. You’re more than a profile.

Be you first. The rest can take care of itself.

Belief, Ego, and Remarkability

Everyone has greatness in them. The challenge is how we express it. We can push ourselves to rise to the challenge, or we can?encourage others to greatness.

By doing this, we can encourage ourselves at the same time.

Everyone also has an ego.

Some are kept in check ? some are left to rage uncontrollably. Some have a happy medium in-between.

Are our ego?s stopping us from being remarkable?

Often we don?t like to admit we don?t know something. We want people to think we?re invincible, that their trust in us is warranted.

That we are the fountain of knowledge to their stream of questions.

But we?re not. None of us.

But that?s not a bad thing.

We are who we are because we learned what we know.

How did we learn that? From those that knew and wanted to share.

Not keep it to themselves as leverage over everyone else. Not use it as a power base over less-informed people. Not use it to stroke their own ego.

Ego?s are natural. We?re human beings ? we like to feel we?re important in some way or another. And we are ? each and every one of us.

We all?do great things every day. Does that mean we?re better than others that do ?lesser? things?

Can you define lesser? Is there such a thing when it comes to offering hope through belief?

I don?t think so and I know I?m not the only one.

Look around you. There are people that could have huge ego?s if they wanted to.

People that?continuously encourage others to challenge themselves to be better.

People that are selfless in their determination to?make life better for those that need it the most.

People that have taken an idea and ran with it to?make it their own.

These are the people that could have ego?s but don?t.

So what ego?s are stopping us from growing? What ones are putting us in a pen and keeping the gate locked? You might recognize some.

Business leaders. Your employees are your currency. Offer them a voice for their ideas, not a muzzle.

Educators. Your students are the leaders of tomorrow in the brains of today. Don?t silence their probing ? encourage it.

Business consultants. Your clients are counting on you. If you don?t know something (which sometimes you won?t), admit it. Agree to find the answer together and make something truly great.

We all know people who offer belief. People who offer hope.

We also know (often in equal measure) people who crush that belief simply through distorted ego.

Sometimes it?s deliberate; sometimes it?s not. Either one is just as powerful as the other.

Belief is hope. Ego is the wall that can block that hope.

How you scale the wall is up to you.

I Was a #MeToo Guy, and I?m Sorry

For the past few days, I?ve watched female friend after female friend post the same update.

#MeToo.

Each update has seen these brave women opening up candidly and honestly about the abuse they?ve suffered at the hands of men.

From unwanted advances to violent assault and rape, and every shitty experience in-between, it?s been a sobering and raw thing to watch unfold, and my heart aches for each and every one of my friends, and their friends, and all the friends of friends I do not know, yet share a common enemy.

Men.

Because let?s face it, there?s only one common denominator in all of this, and that?s men who feel so entitled that women are little more than a plaything to toy with when the moment takes.

And the only people who can really change this mindset are the ones who are responsible for it, either through inaction, complicity, silent knowledge, or – like me – past mistakes that we don?t see as mistakes until it?s too late.

He?s Just Being a Teenage Boy

How many times have you heard that? Or variations of it?

Boys will be boys. He?s just finding his way. He?s just learning about hormones and what it is to be a man.

Too many, I?d wager. Far too many. As a woman, I bet you?re sick and fucking tired of that shitty excuse being paraded every single time a guy gets caught with his figurative hand in the pie.

As a guy, I can pretty much guarantee you?ve heard that as an excuse for your indiscretions. Hell, I bet you?ve heard it so often, from people who should know better, that it became your stock defence.

Except it?s not a defence. It?s not okay.

And it?s not an acceptable excuse for your shitty behaviour.

When I was 13, maybe 14, I heard that a few times from my stepdad. We lived on a council estate in the Scottish borders, and come the evenings after school, or the weekends in-between, me and my friends would hang out and try and impress girls with our bravado.

Riding bikes with no hands, hanging off the monkey bars with one foot, etc. All good fun, all harmless flirting – until it wasn?t.

When the girls didn?t show interest, we?d chase them. We?d laugh, and they?d laugh, and it was fun.

Until it wasn?t.

Until we – a group of four boys – caught up with one of the girls, and we?d ?cop a feel?. We?d hug them, and kiss their cheeks, and say ?You?re our girlfriend now!?

And everyone would laugh. Except, really, only the boys would genuinely laugh. Sure, the girl would laugh too, but it was different.

A laugh that said everything:

I?m playing along, because that?s all I can really do, but this is not OK.

THIS IS NOT OK.

And, of course, we were excused by our dads/stepdads/men in our lives, and told it?s just for fun and part of growing up.

It?s just what boys do.

BUT IT?S FUCKING NOT, AND IT NEVER SHOULD BE!

When did we decide that? How did we get to the point where for boys, it?s just part of growing up, but for girls, well, clearly they were asking for it?

And why did no-one speak up and say it was wrong?

It was only after I was talking to one of the girls that played in the park alongside us, a few weeks after our game of ?chase?, that the truth came out.

How she was terrified. Not just of us, but of what she?d be called at home if her dad found out.

Because, yes, boys will just be boys, but a daughter becomes a slut because she?s the one that got caught by the pack?

Fuck. That. Shit.

Do Better, Starting Now

I hadn?t thought of that time as a teen until this week, and all the #MeToo examples came crashing through like a hurricane of pain.

Because, truth be told, I – along with my friends that summer – had been conditioned to believe we were just having fun.

It?s not real if no-one gets hurt, right?

Except it is real and the victim always gets hurt. ALWAYS.

Do you honestly believe no-one gets hurt when you?re in their space, in their face, in their safe zone, and you?re laughing while there, because that?s just ?boys having fun???

If you do, you?re a fucking moron. I know, because I was that moron.

It took a girl I?d chased and made truly afraid to show me that. How can that be correct?

How can the person we pain need to be the one that shows us it?s not right? Not acceptable? Not ?fun??

Simple – it shouldn?t be. Because it?s not their job to.

It?s ours, as so-called ?men?, to do. And not just today, and not just for us.

But every day, for every man, to teach every boy as well as each other, that this can never be right. This can never be excused away as just boys being boys.

Because when was the last time you heard ?oh, that?s just girls being girls, who cares if they?re grabbing that boy?s crotch??

Exactly.

So.

We have a choice. We can look at ourselves, and admit we were part of the problem (and still are, if we remain silent) and speak up about it, and fix it, and support women that are still going through it, every single day.

Or, we can remain silent, safe in the belief that we were never ?like that?.

Except, if you take the latter choice, I?m going to call you out on it as a liar.

Because, much like almost 100% of my female friends? feed has a #MeToo example, I?m willing to bet that almost 100% of my male friends has been responsible for that at some point in their life.

And if you haven?t, if you truly haven?t, I salute you, and hope you pass that on to your kids, your male friends, your male peers. Because you are truly one of the very few men who has never mistreated a woman friend, lover, peer, in some form or other.

For the rest of us? Don?t stay silent. Speak up, apologize, and fix this shit, starting today.

Teach our sons about respect, and restraint, and the fact that no means no, with absolutely zero wiggle room. And teach them about equality and being the kind of man that stands against what is very clearly not okay.

And teach our daughters they do not have to dress a certain way, nor do they have to act a certain way, because that?s ?just what girls are meant to do?.

Teach that, and more. And teach it daily. Until one day, we don?t need to draw up lesson plans like this, because it should have been common fucking sense from the start.

It?s the very least the better half of this planet deserve.

Finding Moments of Silence in a Sea of Noise

The time to relax is when you don?t have time for it. ~ Sydney J. Harris

We live such busy lives. We run from meeting to meeting, sales call to sales call, school event to school event, all without question.

Instead of questioning the validity of these sprints, we simply brush reasons aside, because it’s just what we do, right?

While it may be part of our everyday life, it doesn’t mean it has to be part of our everyday acceptance of busyness over silence and time to regroup.

In fact, not taking the time to regroup can have serious health repercussions on your body, mind, and soul. Stress, anxiety, lethargy, etc. All warning signs that our bodies need to recharge and our minds need to refocus.

But in a world where silence and moments of quiet seem to be placed at the back of a very long queue, how do we find these moments?

Simple – find them when you’d normally expect them to be hiding from your view.

The Alternative Commute

In a previous job, I spent about four hours per day commuting – one bus ride and two train trips each way.

I used to spend this time catching up on emails, setting up projects for the day, answering questions on a blog post, scanning photos for perfect Instagram updates later, or just playing games on my phone

And while I was productive then, it had an impact on how productive I was later, as the inevitable crash came and tiredness negated effectiveness.

So, instead of catching up on the tasks mentioned above, I took at least half the journey to close my eyes and concentrate on nothing but whatever thoughts and images appeared in my mind at that time.

Or, I looked at the rising sun, and enjoyed the way the light touched the clouds and illuminated a different picture each day.

For you, think of ways you can mix up your commute. Can you take public transport instead of driving, that allows you to switch off and just enjoy the journey? Or can you park up early and walk some of the way, and enjoy the newer sights and sounds?

Moments of Silence in a Sea of Noise

On any given day, we’re surrounded by noise and commotion. Kids, the workplace, traffic, pets, city life, TV, and radio, etc.

We get distracted from what we’re doing by the lure of what others are doing or saying, and our minds jump from one point of attention to another.

By the end of the day, our minds can be so frazzled that we remain hyper, even when we know we need to rest and recharge.

One of the things I started to do was to take my noise-canceling headphones wherever I go and use them whenever I could based on seeing both the need and opportunity for silence

This allowed me to be “in the moment” of the place I needed to be, but still have the ability to switch off, catch my breath, and recharge for the moments ahead.

For you, identify the parts of your day when silence can be switched on. Invest in a good quality pair of noise-canceling headphones, and curate a collection of your favourite songs or soundtracks that take you to a memory that makes you happy or appreciative of life.

Let Technology Help Instead of Distract

It’s easy to look at how quickly technology has evolved to be an ever-present in our lives, and those of the people we interact with on a daily basis.

And it’s fair to say our mobile-first approach to most things today means we’re connected longer and with more frequency than we’ve ever been, and that’s not going to go away anytime soon.

But that doesn’t mean we have to let technology rule our lives the busy way all the time.

While mobile access means our busyness can be added to at any time of the day, use that same technology to remind you to be aware of your need for downtime for both body and mind.

For you, think of how you want to refresh yourself, and access apps that can make that happen. The Headspace program is a great way to do this and offers daily meditation exercises through mobile, tablet or desktop.

Making Time When You Don’t Have Time

We get swept up into believing lives of busyness are the norm, and we’re clearly doing something wrong if we have too many moments to pause, breathe, live.

The sad fact is, busyness is not the norm, or shouldn’t be.

Yes, we have deadlines.
Yes, we have projects that need completing.
Yes, we have commitments to keep.

But none of these will be met while you’re fighting to keep healthy because you refuse to step away and recharge the batteries.

None of these will be completed if your health suffers to the degree that you’re lying in a hospital bed wondering how you got there, as your body gives you the answer to your question.

We all struggle with the work-life balance. Where does one end and the other begin?

There are many different answers depending on who you talk to – but there’s only one answer that really matters, and that’s the one only you can provide.

Listen to your advice, know that you need to switch off, and learn when to take the time – even when you think you can’t.